U.S. Vice President Mike Pence and Pete Townshend, Director General and Guitarist of The WHO, have announced the discovery of the leading group of people most likely to be carriers of the Corona Virus.
“Following our emergency meeting in Geneva, we’ve been authorized to reveal that politicians are 23 times more likely to carry the virus than other categories of the world’s general population.” Pence went on to say that “…we’re grateful that President Trump has used his natural ability as a doctor to research this awful virus and identify the genetic markers in his White House laboratory that lead to this critical discovery.”
Standing in unity with Pence, Townshend whirled his arms in victory and yelled to the audience measured in the tens: “We won’t get fooled again!”
Off the Record: Corona Virus
Reached on Sunday following another all-night bender, David Solomon, CEO of Goldman Sachs reacted with words that included “…we’re going to go long on the market instead of shorting it now that we’ve learned who the Corona Virus carriers are…that moat around D.C. should help us to contain the virus, at least in the U.S.”
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