Michael Bloomberg to transform US government into a Constitutional Monarchy

In his latest speech to Wall Street bankers, Michael Bloomberg, Democratic candidate for president, was overheard saying:

“Whether it’s taking away people’s rights or adding to my personal fortune to combat the Bill Gates of the world or even to completely deregulate banking and profit through leaking US intelligence reports to my newspaper, a constitutional monarchy is the first step in making America a safer and calmer place.”

In a now-deleted series of Twitter posts, Bloomberg added:  “…this will allow me to regulate, on a federal level, the:

• consumption of sugary drinks
• number of calories consumed while eating at restaurants
• issuance of gun usage certificates to only wealthy and famous people
• well-regarded stop-and-frisk program.”

Off the Record:  Michael Bloomberg

“Friend’s help friends be frisked,” intoned Dave Solomon, CEO of Goldman Sachs.  “I can’t think of a person better suited to keeping America safely bankrolling our American way of life than Mike Bloomberg.”

When asked by an MSNBC correspondent, Bloomberg Editor-in-Chief John Micklethwait agreed with Solomon saying:  “…we categorically stand by all of our future reporting that will indicate that Mike Bloomberg is the best person to be Emperor of the USA.”